I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
