You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
