i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
