If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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