She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
This is the high leading the old right now
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
