piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
