I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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