Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
