Porn is love you can see.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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