I wannas sexs uuuuu
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
