what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
