Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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