I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
