i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
