The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Randomize
