I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
