While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The air was thick with penises
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
