i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
