Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
