I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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