So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
