saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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