I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
