So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
