So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Randomize
