I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So much rum. So many feels.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
