theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My breasts were aching with rage.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
