YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
