you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
