I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize