I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
