Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
