Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
