Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
