I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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