I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
