Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
