We need to rekindle our bromance
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
