Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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