im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
