why didn't you poke me back
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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