When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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