Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
