I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
