Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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