My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Randomize
