is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
