my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
