I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
