Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize