I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
bring money and cleavage
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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