i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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