yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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