can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
home. puking in laundry basket.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
