How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
