even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize