this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
