So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
