On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
