If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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