who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
