How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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