I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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