i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize