why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
